“Enough is enough. I cannot tolerate this anymore” I said with my eyes wide open. “But Tanu, I am not lying. Don’t you believe me?” Gaurav said making his very famous innocent face.
Gaurav is my husband and I recently found out that he had gone for a supposed business meting with Sakshi, where business meant only intimacy and sex. I had been hearing about his new affair from people but always rubbished them off considering them rumours. ‘These are the things that bring down a successful man’s career and life and people like to target just that’, I thought. But now the waters were going above my head and I couldn’t bear the torture of being a target of dishonesty.
“No, I don’t and this time I am very sure Sakshi was with you. I also checked at the office if there was a meeting scheduled at Switzerland for this week” I said. “Yes, because it was a sudden plan and was supposed to be registered at the office after my return. And about Sakshi, she was here only, attending her cousin’s marriage. Stop thinking like a typical middle class woman”, Gaurav said, now with anger in his eyes.
Typical middle class woman? Every woman wants attention from her man however rich or poor she is. There is no question of being middle class in that.
“Yes, I knew that was coming. Everything is beyond my level of patience. You have lied enough and I cannot tolerate that anymore”, I said with tears flowing down my cheeks and falling on my pink cotton sari which he had bought me on our second anniversary. 3 years went by in a flash. “So what are you trying to say?” asked Gaurav. “Nothing. It is very simple I am leaving you. I am leaving this house and thank God we don’t have kids to see this painful day”. “Leaving? No way. Listen, this is not the time to joke or test me. Let’s talk about this later and discuss it out” he said. “Discuss it out my foot”, I said. “Look, my bag is already packed and I have also informed my parents. I was only waiting for you to get back”.
A lot of pleading and apologizing happened there on. He never accepted what he did but he didn’t want me to go. Probably his businessman image would be hurt.
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Tanisha! Yes that is the name. I have done my graduation in commerce from Gandhi University in Mumbai. I then went on to do Journalism and Marketing for further studies. I don’t have a job experience as I got married immediately after my PG. And hear I am after 3 years back at my parent’s place. They have just been told everything and now they are trying to send me back. Not like they don’t love me. They do. That’s why they are trying to send me back. But I have taken this step only after a lot of thought and preparation. I wasn’t thrown out. I walked out myself. So I had to be prepared.
5 days passed with just one advice, “Talk it out with him.” But I didn’t want to. I was sure. Really sure.
We were having breakfast at the table. The smell of Poha lingered around the hall. In the past 5 days everything had changed, but one thing, my hunger. It never died because of the sadness. Ma, Pa, Rinku (my brother) and I were eating silently. The only sound around was the sound of the spoon and the plate. Then walked in the bomb of my life. The person who changed my life completely. In what way? You’ll find out soon.
Seeta aunty is our neighbour. She is a gossip queen and loves pushing into everyone’s life. Unfortunately, she is ma’s best friend. But thank Got ma hasn’t become like her. “Meena, its been a week since I saw you. So busy you have become”, said Seeta aunty. “Nothing ya, just been a little busy with work”, said ma.
My mom never wanted to talk to anyone after I came back. She was afraid of the questions they would ask. She didn’t know what to say. But she can never lie to Seeta aunty. Seeta aunty knew how to get things out of people. Then came the question my mom dreaded the most. “Meena,I heard Tanish has left her husband. Is it true?” My mom sealed her lips and a drop of sweat fell from her foreheard rolling down to her jaw. “Nothing like that. Who tells you all these things?” mom said with a fake smile. “Meena? How can you lie to me? I know everything. I met Gaurav’s mom and she told me all this”, Seeta aunty said. “Sorry Seeta. I don’t want it to spread. That’s why I didn’t tell anyone”, said mom with a tear in her eye. “It’s okay Meena. What are friends for! To be there when trouble hits”, said Seeta aunty in her not so frequent kind tone. She genuinely cares for my mother, but her forever nose poking is something I can’t bear.
“So how are you managing the house expenses?” asked Seeta aunty in a hushed tone? But fortunately her hushed tone also somehow found way to my ears and I could hear it all. Her question gave me a shock but I couldn’t understand why she said that. My brother earns a good sum of money to fulfill the family demands. “Seeta, be soft. Tanu should not know about that. We don’t want her to get depressed. She does not know that Rinku has lost his job”, my mom said. Yes, another shock. I looked at my brother. He had his eyes down on the plate. All this while I thought he was sad because of my broken marriage but I didn’t know he had an additional burden of being jobless too. Thoughts started running in my head. Why did he lose the job? How did he lose it? Why didn’t he tell me? How are they managing the expenses without the salary? All sorts of questions came to my mind. The poha didn’t interest me anymore. I stood up, greeted Seeta aunty with a smile and walked away to my room.
Questions kept running in my head. I wanted to ask Rinku but I felt matters would become worse. So instead of going deep into the problem I decided I will figure out a solution. I took a pen and a book to list out ideas. But my book had only one word ‘Solutions’ which was the heading. Nothing clicked. Nothing came to my mind. So I decided I would do it in the morning the next day to get better ideas.
I woke up in the morning. It was 5 AM. I freshened up. It was dark outside and the sun was about to rise. I was standing at the balcony. A cool breeze hit my face. I saw the newspaperwala throwing the newspaper at the foot of the door. I ran down opened my door and picked up the newspaper. I made coffee for myself and started reading the paper.
The first few headlines seemed to give me a bad feeling. I felt like I lived in a world filled with crime. Gang rapes, corruption, environmental damage, etc. All depressing things. ‘Isn’t there anyone who wants to spread positivity?’ I thought. I kept back the newspaper on the table. I didn’t want to read it. 3 newspapers, 2 English and 1 Hindi. I saw the second newspaperwala throw the newspaper. “Atleast something good will be there on this paper. Something that is not negative” I thought. I picked up the paper and started reading again. Same news. Same crimes. Same pollution. Same politician. The same old focus on crimes and it’s causes. No one knows the solution and those who do prefer to shut up and get a good night’s sleep. “Isn’t there anyone who wants to spread positivity” I thought again. Feeling low, I took my pen , opened my journal and started journaling. Journaling is something I love. It takes off my stress. It helps me cope with my problems. Journaling is like my best friend who knows my deepest and darkest secrets. It also helped me cope up and decide during my scene with Gaurav.
I wrote about everything that came to my mind and ended it with one question: Isn’t there anyone who wants to spread positivity? I knew it’s trying to convey something. And that was the moment I can never forget in my life. That was my eureka moment. That’s when I got an answer to all my questions. Even the one mentioned above. “I was the one who can take the first step towards positivity”
Like mentioned before, I was a post graduate in Journalism. This was the best time to utilize it. I opened my laptop and typed in my resume. I searched online for jobs for writers and mailed my resumes to all of them. So now, I had to wait for their replies. I couldn’t wait to tell the world that I am there. I couldn’t wait to start writing all over again. I was a very good student when I was studying. I loved writing and so I chose Journalism. Then I had another Eureka moment. I quickly switched on my laptop again and started a blog. This would be another tool for me to express myself to the world. It was another platform for me to write what I want to. I felt an adrenalin rush. Never had I been so excited. Not even on the day of my marriage. *Sigh* I was very happy and decided I’d go for a drive. I went to the rock beach and got a nice plate of steaming hot idlis. I sat on the pavement facing the beach. Watching the waves calmed me down. I started thinking rationally. Philosophical thoughts started running into my head. My mind replayed all the events of my life. I realized how much I can do in life. How I can use all what God has given me to make my life better……….
